I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I fell for you early in my life, and maybe I don’t love you at all. The worst part is not knowing , and not seeing any chance to learn. I feel for you, I atleast know that much. I hate you too, of that I can be sure.
I hate the way you say my name, simply because it’s music to my ears. I hate the way you look at me, only due to the way it makes my heart skip a beat. I hate the way you make me feel, but only because it’s wonderful. I hate the way you make me cry, without even knowing it, without even being there. I hate the way I want you, and I hate the way it makes you not want me.
If I could just have you a little bit, I might not feel like I do now. I might not be so attached if I wasn’t the only one doing the attaching. Maybe if I hold you, I would realize how irrational I am being. Maybe if I had you, I wouldn’t need you so much. All the “maybe”s in the world can’t make you mine, or anywhere close.
Once you were just a comfort to me. I can’t say you were there for me throughout, or that I ever would have known if you were. You were just a friend then, just someone I knew, but that seems so far off now. We crossed that line, the line I can’t seem to get back over. You gave me what I needed, what not many people could give me. With you I felt beauty, I felt freed. You freed my soul and gave me life. I was on top of the world; but now, I have lost that, and I don’t know what to do.
The vaguest thought of you, the slightest reminiscence, and I melt, I fall. I become what is despite being. I become weak. If it was anyone else, I could forget. There are no words that can really explain why I see you as the person as I do. I would love for you to love me, but that’s not what I really want. I want to glow…for you. But I cannot stop my heart, I cannot change my emotions. All I can do for now is live, and hope for the best.
I force myself to smile, hoping it will stick. I am just afraid that for now I have lost my glue; but maybe one day I will find it. Or even better…maybe it will FIND ME !!!